There's a house with a porch...
There'll be a house with a large, wrap-around porch in a sleepy corner of a certain South American country waiting for me when I get old, where I can live out my twighlight years in the company of friends. So promises one of my best girlfriends, a European sister-in-spinsterhood, every time I start to kvetch over where my life is headed. "That's okay, girlie," she drawls with warm affection, "You won't be alone. I'm going to start building that house where all of us old spinsters can live, with a big porch for us to sit on in the rocking chairs. It will be finished by the time we're old."On a recent balmy evening at an outdoor cafe in the East Village, over a glass of surprisingly good rosé, I shared with her my discovery of how many spinsters there are in the U.S. between 30 and 44: 3.1 million.
"Guess it's going to be a very large porch," she remarked.
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So spinster-lady,
reading your entries compelled me to actually look up the word spinster and here is what I found:
http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=spinster
\Spin"ster\, n. [Spin + -ster.] 1. A woman who spins, or whose occupation is to spin.
She spake to spinster to spin it out. --Piers Plowman.
The spinsters and the knitters in the sun. --Shak.
2. A man who spins. [Obs.] --Shak.
3. (Law) An unmarried or single woman; -- used in legal proceedings as a title, or addition to the surname.
If a gentlewoman be termed a spinster, she may abate the writ. --Coke.
4. A woman of evil life and character; -- so called from being forced to spin in a house of correction. [Obs.]
I found the defintion interesting as sometimes feel as though we are spinning out of control. It is also interesting that men initially were spinsters, but I am sure some woman saved them from themselves years ago.
Now I'm all for getting the house with the porch and suggest we all get together and buy plots near or next to one another BUT and let me insert a huge but here I am not one to accept being a Spinster. I have hope for all of us that we will have a companion someday. While I am hoping I am following the advice of my dear Sister Delaney and making this life as sweet as possible. Ironically I once lived in the building next to the one where the Delaney Sisters lived early on in life, 88 Edgecombe. Hmm what does that mean?
I just live everyday to the fullest not waiting on some prince charming to show up but I also keep my heart, mind and eyes open so when he shows up I recognize him. I just had a long and disturbing conversation with a male friend who tried to blame all of this on women. He stated in the 80's and 90's when men wanted to court women we were on some "Independent Women B-S" and now all of sudden we want the house, picket fence and children and men are like Nah, that's okay. This young man is in his early 30's and boy was I incensed.
As incensed as I was I had to admit to myself that lately I had been thinking of all the good men I turned down because I wanted to stay focused on my hopes and dreams. Now I wish someone had told me about Ann Fudge http://www.usatoday.com/money/advertising/2003-05-20-fudge_x.htm
who married as a Sophomore in college and is one of the most powerful Black women in corporate America. So as much as I would like to attribute my male friends comments to more male subjugation I must quietly reflect on something I have been pondering for a while. Let's be clear most of my rejects over the years were just that, rejects, BUT there were those few that I really truly cared about and honestly would have liked to embark starting a life with but I was scared that it would derail me from my Career. I had to "stay focused."
Well I for one wish I could find some sisters in spinsterhood. Seems harder and harder as you get older. I suspect at some point I'll start running into widows but it certainly won't be the same.
Really, I like women. I like men. But the things (other than strict and straight friendship) I get from men frankly I don't always want or need full-time.
A bit of a tough life if you go on but I think its tough being married too.
Generally spinsterhood must not be too popular as spinster websites seem to run out of steam fairly fast but if it was easier to find other spinsters for mutual support it would be nice.
Mary
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